What is the true foundation of a good relationship? Love? Honesty? Trust? Communication? Sex?

The truth is, without all of these things there isn’t a relationship, but where does the relationship start? What came first, the love or the sex?

The answer to that question would depend on the individual you ask.

There is a social stigmatism that says, in the case of a woman, it should be the love that comes first; if she answers otherwise she would be viewed as a Jezebel. For men it’s just the opposite; if it’s the love that came first, his fellow males may regard him as inept.

The question that comes to my mind is “why?” Why is it so unthinkable for a woman to flaunt her sex life and by that same token, for a man to hide his? Everyone talks about the equality of men and women, but why is that equality so limited? Is it really such a taboo for a woman to sleep with a man on the first date?

Sex is a vital part of having a healthy relationship, so what’s the harm in knowing right from the get go, if this man is able to satisfy you physically. Is it really better to fall in love, only to later realise that your man cannot fully satisfy you in the bedroom?

Women say, “the sex is better if you’re in love”, but upon hearing this, I often wonder “is that just to yourself console your own bad sex life?” Sex is a purely physical act. It doesn’t matter if you are in love or not, bad sex is bad sex and good sex simply blows your mind. I can understand that love might make the act more intimate, but can it really change how good a man, or woman for that matter, is in bed?

If that were the case, and sex really is better when you’re in love, then does bad sex turn into good sex, miraculously, overnight, when that bolt of lightening hits and we realise we are in fact, in love?

Getting back to the topic at hand however; the foundation of a good relationship. If you ask me sex is a vital part of the foundation of a good, healthy relationship, most women will never admit to this, and will go with the cliché of “trust” or “honesty” as their go to answers. Truth is though; a relationship without sex does see a greater deal of strain than one with.

It really is quite simple math: couple + unsatisfied = unhappy.

We all have needs, men and women, and one of these needs just happens to be physical. There’s nothing distasteful about this, and it’s nothing we should feel the need to hide in the back of our closets. Without sex we wouldn’t all be sitting here, so what’s wrong with just enjoying it a little?

As a woman, you are often judged by the number of men you have been with, but if you ask me, this judgment begins its vicious cycle with women themselves: another woman might comment, “Look at how many men she’s been with, she is a slut”. So if women are calling each other sluts they just make it okay for a man to do the same. Why not simply embrace the fact that your girl friend is getting the most satisfaction as she can out of her life. It is women who suppress other women, ergo this has simply become “the way of the world” now.

“For every man who has sex on the first date, there has to be a woman”, say Jas Singh.  Thinking of it in those terms, what makes it okay for the man and not the woman? Logically speaking, without one or the other, “sex on the first date” is not possible, but why the discrimination of genders?

Bob Jones’ opinion on the matter is that “if a woman is willing to sleep with a guy on the first date, she probably isn’t looking for anything serious, just a casual fling”, but how many people get into any relationship on a truly “serious” note? All relationships are in fact casual to begin with; thus arises the question, what came first?

How many of us can genuinely say, “we fell in love, and only then did we hit the sack together”. According to my research from conducting various interviews and surveys, about 75% of the people who say this had sex and only then fell love with their partner, and of that 75%, between 40% – 50 % did in fact have sex on the first date.

Sex is inevitable, so what’s the harm in just getting on with it -so to speak-. If you ask me, it would be worse to fall in love, then sleep with the guy, only to find out he doesn’t even know where to put it! What do you do then? As shallow as it may seem, bad sex really is enough to break up a relationship. Sure you could teach good sex, but what if he just won’t learn.

Of course there are many reasons for the sex being bad. Storm McGregor shares her own relationship experience, saying, “we have the right chemistry -in fact we’re great together! But, the sex is just plain awkward I sometimes think we waited too long and expectations were simply too high”.

This is often a problem that couples will face. The longer one waits for something, the more time we have to build the thought up in our minds, thus setting our expectations a little too high.

Truth be told, there really is no right or wrong time to have sex, it is among the most natural acts known to mankind. The only thing wrong is today’s society’s discrimination of men and women, where sex is concerned.  In today’s 21st century, where equality is so often talked about, we don’t actually realise that it is ourselves as women who are setting the precedence for the inequality of men and women when we judge each other by how many partners our peers have had in the past. Women, for whatever reason, started this train of thought, be it envy of your friends sex life, hiding one’s own bad sex or just plain spitefulness. Women bring other women down, making it okay for men to do the same.